I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
