you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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