Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
