Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
