i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
