The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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