And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Blood and glitter go together right?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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