The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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