I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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