so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
