idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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