May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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