my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
