So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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