WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
