Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
