Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
