Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
