i just wanna soil my oats bro
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
