How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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