I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
