i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize