I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Come see our sink grown plant.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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