forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
