No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dear god my vagina.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
