he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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