matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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