I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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