If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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