if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
