Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
