Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
