I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
