Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize