batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
