I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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