Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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