mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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