Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my sisters under your porch take her home
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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