I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
