Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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