Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
