This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
