your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i believe in u and ur pee
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
