i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
