she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
