dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?