yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
