So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
