Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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