Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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