you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
