I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
