There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
