what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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