Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
