i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
