Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
