And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
