nut hugger
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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