they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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