I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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