My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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