I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
