Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
