I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
