Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
