i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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