maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
