We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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