College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
