I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
