He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
