talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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