Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
