I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
